To those of you who are real people, I apologize for the earworm.
To those who are about to leave me spam-bot comments, Fak Off.
Today was an incredibly draining day. It started out simply with waking up knowing that I’d had weird dreams – the kind that you don’t remember, you just have that vague weirdness floating around your head and causing you to wonder if there were gymnasts and Ed Norton and No. 2 pencils involved – and no, I wasn’t drinking the night before – or now for that matter.
By 6:30 a.m., things had taken a turn for the worse. Yeah, you heard me, by 6:30 a.m. That’s a helluva curve, don’t you think? From vague weirdness to WTF?!? in under 20 minutes. That could be a record for me.
Unfortunately, it just kept going downhill from there. The ridiculousness was that under no circumstances did today have to end up being like this. A host of things could have happened differently, and today would have been just fine. Everything that happened today? Could have happened tomorrow and been pretty much fine (albeit not at 6:30 a.m. – nothing that happens at that hour is fine. Ever.). But today, the way it went, there decidedly a hole in the bucket with no water left for the flowers by noon.
Lately, the minute I seem to have my feet on the floor and I start to feel a notion of balance, I suddenly find myself ass over elbows with the rug flying away from me. It is unsettling at best, maddening (quite possibly literally?) at worst. I’m not crazy. I’m not mean. I don’t deserve it. I’m a good person. I’m a good friend. I’m loyal and honest. I’m caring, intelligent, compassionate, and respectful. I’m trying … trying to get through every hour, every day, every night; trying to be a good mother; trying to be true to myself; trying to be understanding of all the things I can’t understand. I’m getting my ass kicked. It’s getting old.
I really, really just want to take my bucket and go home.
But tomorrow morning, I will get up and try again.