Adrift

longing

it is the clear blue water stretched before me
a vastness of color and wave
it calls to me, singing out my name

but it is a sea without depth
holding a paradise out of reach
for i touch it but cannot feel the damp
i cannot smell the salt that i know surrounds me
i am unable to taste its sweet reward

knowing
always knowing
i must prepare for the long journey ahead
always preparing
never enough
never enough
there will never be enough time
enough knowledge
enough preparation
i can feel it in my heart
that i will never truly make ready
never truly enough

for i sail without compass
and chart without map
the distance is but only that
.the distance.

I once sailed in the storms
but now they seldom come
not like the dreadful storms of old.
it is a gift
an understanding
an open door
and Luck
a happenstance,
found in a Blessing.
Now I can feel the Wind
a gust, a breeze – they are beautiful
somehow even beautiful when they knock me down
What a thing –
to Feel.

but am i really to wander?
to cast aimlessly in the swell?
the rest of my days?

the longing says no
but the longing knows nothing
only its own heat
and passion
that sometimes burn me up
not even caring that I am the one in its path.

no, the longing loves no one
not even me.

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About dyskinesia

Woman, mother, human being, grammarian. I have Attention Deficit Disorder. My child has Asperger syndrome. Philosophy, laughter, therapy, living. Life after divorce.
This entry was posted in ADD, The Ugly Truth, Who am I?. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Adrift

  1. Laura says:

    “…a happenstance,
    found in a Blessing…”

    I like that.

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