Personal best

Holy chickens, Batman! I reached my personal best in visits to this site yesterday; I’m so excited I can hardly see!

Okay, in actuality, 7 poor folks managed to trip across a rock or something and land here yesterday. Here, in the nearly-barren wasteland of this blog that I have duly ignored as part of my ill-fated attempt to survive the nightmare that is:

Preparing for BACK TO SCHOOL.

No, heavens to Betsy (who the hell IS Betsy? and what’s with heavens floating her way?), not my own; that would be simple. My son’s. After all, <insert the “We are embarking on our quest to conquer the world with just a turkey baster, a toothpick, and this Barry White record” music here>:

____________ The Second Grade is Upon Us ____________

So, ya know, there are expectations upon ME … and not JUST the ones that I put on myself, though those are probably as bad as any of the others, despite my trying to keep them at bay.

Honestly, I’ve been doing great not been too bad so far this year:

The last of the needed school supplies were purchased last week – a definite personal best. Of course, this is only until next week when we get new lists from math and literacy teachers. It’s a damn good thing I bought so many things for 5 cents each because, let me tell you, NEXT WEEK when I’m paying a million dollars for a composition book — one with special requirements, mind you, like blue, not black, with alternating solid and dotted lines, and 14 rhinestones down the outside binding (not 13, damn you, 14) — I will be spending an amount just short of the national debt.

I have, right or wrong, blown off chosen to reschedule several of my own personal things in order to ease my feelings of chaos and overwhelm in dealing with the BTS blitz. On some levels, not necessarily the best of choices for me (ADD prescriptions require follow-up appointments, as my psycho’s office so professionally pointed out, tyvm), BUT in the big picture, I realized that something had to give and made some choices.

Did you hear me, people? CHOICES. I made them!

Anyone with ADD knows that I didn’t just say that the sky is blue. Making decisions and choices is a source of horrible frustration and overwhelm for anyone with ADD. And I don’t mean the big decisions; I mean ANY decisions. What will I wear? What is for dinner? What should I pack? What brand of tequila goes best with caramels?

Yeah, that one was a trick; everyone knows it’s caramels and vodka.

The point is, for an ADD’er, there is no small decision, no easy answer, no simple choice. When the overwhelm starts, you tend to retreat and ultimately find yourself paralyzed and unable to move forward – with anything, not just the decision that was in front of you. The cycle progress, the guilt creeps in, and then the detachment starts. Suddenly, you’re miles away — from your quagmire, your family, your friends, your feelings, and your understanding.

How do you stop that? That is something I intend to address in another post. Really, I actually just wrote it all out now, but {a} this isn’t the post for it and {b} we’ll all be better off if I edit it for length, verbosity, and things like complete sentences because I had a looooong weekend. A looooooooong weekend with two little boys who never met sugar they didn’t like. We shall come back, Dear Readers; I promise.

I’ll give it my personal best.

Right after school starts and I finish my vodka and caramels.

About dyskinesia

Woman, mother, human being, grammarian. I have Attention Deficit Disorder. My child has Asperger syndrome. Philosophy, laughter, therapy, living. Life after divorce.
This entry was posted in ADD, Decisions, Great Expectations, Kids. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Personal best

  1. pluckymama says:

    I have ADD too. I don’t find decision making too hard unless someone’s staring in my eyes asking me to make a choice. Do you have two boys?? I do.

    Hey if you want more readers you can tag surf and make comments and you’ll get many more readers. I’ve been blogging for about 8 months and I usually get between 200 and 300 views these days. The more comments you make the more readers you get. I slowed that down a while ago though and only comment when I actually mean something because I think I have enough readers.

  2. Pingback: The grass isn’t always greener. « The Taoist Biker

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